Bad Boys, Bad Boys

Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

I have some seriously bad boys in my house. There's Rutledge, one man wrecking crew. There's Ollie, who got beat up not once, but twice today, and who hit back. And as usual, I was off in la-la land, hanging out with adults while my child was bullying other kids. I am feeling like a very bad parent these days. And it's not just with the humans. The wee pup also had an accident on the kitchen floor today, which is totally my fault.

I am at my wits' end with Ollie. I don't know what he needs to get his basic social needs met, but it's not happening. It's not that he never gets an opportunity to meet other kids, but he doesn't get along with anyone. I cannot figure out why. He has interests that are all wrong, especially for a homeschooler. I think he might be able to get into a scene with some jock kids, but they don't really exist in homeschooling. I think he'd have a great time playing a game of pickup basketball, 21, kickball, baseball, but the only way to do it is in more organized, adult-managed team sports, and that isn't quite his cup of tea. He likes history, social studies, archaeology, "true" stories. I think he'd like a day of playing Risk or Monopoly with friends, but doesn't have any friends who would want to play given any other option. I really don't know what to do with him. I'm ending up being his favorite playmate, and that's not my job. I'm the person he throws a baseball with, I'm the person who reads the books he likes with him, I'm the person who can't often find the time for a three hour game.

I'm wondering if he wouldn't thrive in school. Not necessarily elementary school, but if he was in a middle school with lots of club and activity options, he might connect with people who share his interests. Of course, there's lots to not like in middle school, but there are also opportunities for things that we can't necessarily provide at home. I think he'd love debate team, model UN, elective options, language classes. I think he'd benefit from access to people who are his age and in his grade, and maybe even some a little older to learn from. He's just too young, and like me, he may go through life being "too young." It's frustrating.

There was an interesting talk tonight about how to determine if you child has learned something. I'll admit, I don't give tests at home as part of our schooling. I don't even think I like covering all of these "school" subjects that are taking time from us doing things that really are interesting to us and really would help their explore their own interests instead of someone else's list of what they need to know as a 3rd grader or 4th grader or whatever. To me, merely talking with them, knowing them, observing their play, and referencing something from earlier lets me know what they've retained, what is important to them, what they are making their own. I am not a very bright student myself, so I'm no authority, but I have forgotten a lot of things that I passed tests on 'back in the day.' I was good at getting an A on test day, but I couldn't necessarily list the rocks in Moh's Scale a semester later. I'm not sure it's fair to expect that of my kids. Most of what I've retained is what I've used, revisited later in some other resource (for example, I didn't remember all of the details I passed tests on at one time about the American Revolution); the lovely thing about most subjects is that there is always time to read about them again, watch a program about them again, search for some forgotten piece of info on a website. I'm probably deluding myself, but I feel like I have a decent handle on what they know, and their test results show, to the extent a test is able, that they have retention and mastery of the basics for their grade.

Ollie is writing a short essay tomorrow on a topic that I wouldn't have chosen--how to cheat on a lie detector test. Perhaps I'll post the results tomorrow. Walter wrote about a diamond that a 12 year old boy found in his backyard. His progress has been extraordinary! I'll post that one tomorrow, too.