I dream of the day when we have enough time to sit around playing board games. I don't know where our time goes.

We've been hitting it hard trying to get through Eragon. I lost Walter about 5 CDs ago, and Ollie says he likes the book much more than he expected, but I don't see him in any hurry to finish, and I don't think it's because he is trying to savor each moment. It is by force he that he seems to listen. They both made it pretty clear they have no intention to read it on their own. I'll be really happy when book club is over tomorrow. It's always a source of a fair amount of stress. Why we don't drop out is just beyond me. The kids want to stay in, even though they are over critical of the books chosen, aren't tactful, hurt people's feelings, refuse to read the books most of the time, and have behavior problems that disrupt the class. My fantasy book club would be more like an adult book club--cozy and relaxed surroundings (RES is a great venue, but totally uncomfortable for a book club), focus on having fun and being together, rather than academics or competitive reading ability, and participant focused: when they stop talking about the book, they kind of stop talking as much about the book, just like our book club. I suppose it's just hard to have a club for kids who really aren't in a position to run it themselves and who don't have the necessary social and organizational skills to determine what would be the best way to keep everyone sane and respectful. At any rate, I always hold my breath through book club and am always a tad sorry we went when it's over because my boys have always done something offensive, disruptive, or otherwise unsociable.

Tomorrow is another nonstop day, and I am so not open to a sleepover. This is a topic we visit every weekend. Tomorrow morning they are going to the Poe Museum for both a tour and a CSI type program about the Mystery of Poe's Death. Then they have chess club, which seems to have been an overwhelmingly positive event for everyone except my kids, for whom it seemed to stress relationships. Then there's book club, which is always a shot in the dark. Since we lost a couple of days of schoolwork this week and didn't have a lot of time for reading because we were trying to make our way through Eragon, I just really am looking forward to a little time to connect over the weekend, which is, I'm realizing, a huge joke as the kids get older. Weekends in general are times when they are absolutely consumed with video games from morning until night and are with their friends from sunup until long after sundown, so there's never any time for the relaxed family time I always imagine. And there's the ever-present three year old, ready to overturn a board game at any moment or climbing all over me, droning in my ear so I can't concentrate or creating some major disaster that requires immediate and distracting attention. Ollie and I are pretty far into the book _Willow Run_, which we both want to find out what happens in. Walter wants my undivided attention helping him do some of his Webelos badge requirements. I feel like I've never played a board game with Frances that is all about her and her needs. And they still haven't visited Santa at all this year.

Speaking of Santa...oh my goodness am I glad that I'm not one of those self-congratulating people who has their Christmas shopping done months early. As sure as I get things in September or October (or worse, back in the previous spring or after last Christmas...), the kids are going to change their minds and become fanatical about something in the second week of December. I'm not kidding. It happens year after year. Frances has been saying that she wants an aquarium and an American Girl (actually she wants several, but I've assured her that this is not even something that is up for discussion). We had talked with her about her priorities and about what we think is best, and she was all excited about the aquarium. Last night, Kerry and I went out and did our final look and chose the one that we think will work best. At exactly the same time, Frances seems to have decided that "fish are boring and don't do anything" and doesn't want anything to do with them and she has decided that she will likely die if she doesn't get an American Girl doll. Now she's not one of those budding little intellectuals who is fascinated by American history. No--she wants the 70s girl who has the long braids and the crocheted cap and hip purse. She doesn't need no stinkin' books about these characters. She just wants a roomful of expensive scale-model accessories. I'm so tired of whining that right now I don't even care. I'm going to order that doll tomorrow and be done with this whole Christmas shopping thing! I'll miss the aquarium myself--I was totally looking forward to it and how it would transform our family room.

Perhaps while three of my children are gone tomorrow I will get some of the cleaning done that is hanging over me like a big black cloud. I just cannot relax in a house that is messy from one to end to the other. I think given my brainlessness lately that I really need simplicity around me if I'm going to have a ghost of a chance of not losing track of everything in life. Today when I dropped Frances off at gymnastics I lost my keys within 5 minutes. For once, they truly were in the trash can--and we're talking a huge, deep, public trash can here. I had briefly checked in there and so had Kerry, but it wasn't until I started taking out each piece of trash in this full can one by one that I saw that oh my gosh, I really am that absent-minded! It is actually starting to scare me more than I want to admit. It wouldn't be hard to see how I could make all kinds of mistakes and lose things, given how much we do and how little I use a calendar or other physical reminders, but up until now, I've managed to magically juggle a lot of things without these props, even if no one knows how I do. That seems to be coming to a total halt lately, and I have to wonder what has changed in me--and why--that has made this happen. I find myself worrying about dementia or something pressing on my brain or something like that. I don't feel like I have undue stress on me right now, and schedules and what I need to pack for this or that is at about the same complexity it has always been. I'm just way off my game. And I've never thrown my kids (or a fork or whatever else) into the trash can!

I also need to find a sitter for Saturday night. I confess, I don't know where to begin! I haven't had a sitter in probably 8 months, and the sitter we used then lives fairly far away and so adds about 45 minutes onto the evening in pickup and drop-off. We're still running at a grand total of maybe 7 or 8 instances with a sitter in our entire 10 years with kids, and only 4 since we've lived here. I also know that people are very protective of their sitter information, so I hate to ask for recommendations or suggestions from anyone who has kids of their own. I guess I will see what works out as tomorrow unfolds; I'd hate to miss the party because I couldn't figure out what to do with the kids.